Life Before Her Eyes
by mollygibbs101
Summary: Ziva's had enough. Gibbs' gut has been playing up since Eli's death and he cottons on to the fact that he and the late Director's daughter are very similar people. Can his gut and similarities help him to help Ziva before she ends up the same way as Eli? SPOILER! GRAPHIC-ish! After a quick discussion with my lovely Ish, this popped into mind :D Ish, have you been hiding my muse? XD


Gibbs/Ziva fic: Life Before Her Eyes

Angst/Hurt/Comfort

T Rating

A/N: After seeing/reading the various spoilers leading up to the next episode 'Shabbat Shalom', I thought I'd have a go XD you know, before everyone else does XD haa. For this though, I've kind of taken the 200th episode 'Life Before His Eyes' and changed it to suit Ziva.

What are your thoughts? I really really don't want Eli to die, I'll be so upset if he does :'( I hope, to God, that I am so so wrong and that this is just a really crap speculation and a really rubbish reading of a teaser trailer.

Also, I'm not 100% sure about the relationship between Gibbs and Ziva in this one :/ Read it how you like, it makes sense either way :)

Mistakes are mine, try to enjoy :)

Summary: Ziva's had enough, period. Can Gibbs use his gut and similarites to Ziva to save her?

Life Before Her Eyes 

Gibbs knew his gut was shouting at him for some reason, it had been for days, well, since Eli's death, actually. He knew by the look of Ziva's that something was going to happen, it wasn't a matter of if, but when. And by the looks of the hospital's four walls around him as he sat in the waiting room covered in blood, it had come too soon.

After they had caught the reporter who had been involved in Eli's death, Ziva's spirits seemed to lift. Her father's murderer was behind bars and he had received a broken nose from Tony for his efforts. But while everyone seemed content with Ziva's repitition of _I'm fine, _Gibbs didn't buy it. He could see a shadow in her eyes. The same shadow he saw when they had pulled her out of that Somalian hellhole just a few years previous. The same shadow that meant she had had enough. Everyone said that both he and Ziva were similar: their ethics, morals, codes, skills and beliefs. They both spoke other languages, both served in the military, both lost family at the hands of violence and ill health. So when Gibbs received a phone call, that same evening with a rasping voice asking for help, he had almost patted his gut a 'job well done' for preparing him for the horrific scene he walking in on.

oOoOoOoOoOo

_Ziva frowned as she sat up abruptly, she quickly established that she was in her bedroom before swinging her legs so her feet touched the floor. She softly padded across the hall and froze as she came across the one person she never wanted to think of ever again._

_'' Hello, Ziva.''_

_'' Saleem...'' stuttered Ziva, her heartbeating wildly in her chest. Her eyes fixed to his forehead, there was no bullethole, why was their no bullethole. He was dead, she saw Gibbs do it with her own eyes. '' What are you doing here?''_

_'' It has been a while since I was in your thoughts, Jew. People would think you were trying to avoid me.'' He smelt like stale smoke and Caf-POW! and his eyes were still the same soulless hue. Ziva wanted to gag._

_'' Like the plague.'' she snarled._

_'' You are a lot braver now that you are in America.'' he commented. '' Though I must admit, I do wish that I was the one to kill you, but no, you had to take that pleasure for yourself, didn't you? Stupid bitch.'' _

_Saleem reached forward, his hand closing around her throat as he backed her into a wall, knocking a picture off and onto the floor._

_'' Are you really going to give into him? After all he did to you? You got him out of your head once, you can do it again.'' sounded a familiar gravelly voice. _

_Ziva lashed out and knocked Saleem over. She looked up as she massaged her throat to see Mike Franks smiling at her._

_'' Nice one, Lady Ziva. Go grab some water, soothe your throat.'' he said, before bending down to grab Saleem by the scruff of the neck. '' Now, that, Ulman, ain't no way to treat a lady...''_

_Ziva walked quickly to her kitchen. She flicked on the light and whimpered when she saw Eli standing there, a glass of water in his hand. He put it onto the kitchen counter and extended his arms, cradling Ziva's head as she hugged him. _

_'' I watched you die.'' said Ziva, her voice muffled in Eli's chest._

_'' Every man must die at some point, Ziva. Some have the luxury of knowing when and others, must live as if it is their last.''_

_'' Did you have that luxury?'' asked Ziva, taking the water Eli handed her._

_'' No, I saw it, but it was too late. Much like everything else in my life.'' said Eli. '' I have no one to blame but myself, Zivaleh, and I do not want you blaming yourself. You need no more blame and regret, you have enough to last a lifetime.''_

_Ziva set the water down. '' I could have done-'' She was silenced as Eli rest a hand on her shoulder. _

_'' Perhaps, but then who would have died in my place? Leon? Jackie? You?'' Eli shook his head. '' Someone was meant to die today and I do not think it was you.'' _

_Ziva looked down and Eli tilted her head to look up at him. '' As bad as our relationship was, it was getting there, slowly but it was.'' Ziva blinked and her eyes turned glassy with unshed tears. '' I was not ready to lose you and now I have no one.'' _

_'' Despite they ways I taught you, you have a heart and that heart has seen you adopted into another family. As much as I cannot stand the bastard, Agent Gibbs will look after you.'' said Eli, making Ziva snort. He pressed a kiss to Ziva's forehead and looked pointedly at her living room. '' Now, be strong for me, Ziva.''_

_He let Ziva go and she wandered out of her kitchen to see Ari sitting in the living room, flicking through the channels on her TV. '' It is 2013 and there is still nothing on television...'' he said, making Ziva laugh and settle on the sofa next to him. '' Do not be afraid Ziva. I do not blame you for what you did.''_

_Ziva collapsed onto Ari's chest. '' I am still sorry.''_

_'' I know. I'm glad it was you, to be honest. At least you gave me a chance.'' said Ari. '' And it makes me feel a lot better about myself when I think about it as a change in your life. I got you out of Mossad.'' said Ari smugly, making Ziva thump his chest. _

_'' Sheket bevakasha.''_

_'' But I'm not there. I wasn't there this time.'' said Ari. '' Ziva, get help, please? You don't want to be here with us. It's boring. Not to mention I can't be in the same room as Eli for more than five minutes. NCIS is better, trust me.'' _

_'' I am fed up, Ari.'' sighed Ziva. '' I am done.''_

_'' I know, but I can tell you now, you're not done yet. That I promise you.'' _

_Ziva looked at him. '' Is this the 'I have a higher purpose blah blah'?''_

_'' Yup, and it's true. There is more you need to do. Those at NCIS, they need you. It might not be immediately obvious, but they do. All those times you've been there when it's mattered, for Tony, for McGee, Palmer, Abby, even Gibbs.'' _

_'' Especially Gibbs.'' sounded a third voice. _

_Ziva sat up to be level eyed with a small blue eyed girl. The girl outstretched her hand and Ziva took it. _

_'' See you later, my little sister.'' said Ari, his voice quieter as the girl led Ziva back down the hall she had originally come from. But instead of going into the bedroom, they went into her bathroom. The little girl let go of Ziva's hand and walked over to a taller figure. Ziva took in the woman's appearance; red hair, wedding band and a content smile as she wrapped her arms around the girl._

_'' Shannon.'' breathed Ziva. _

_Shannon nodded and smiled. '' Hello Ziva. It is about time we met you.'' she said, settling herself on the side of the bath. '' We've wanted to meet you for a while.'' _

_'' Why?''_

_'' To say thank you. You have watched over Jethro for so long, we wanted to tell you that we will watch over your father.''_

_'' Aba will not like that, but I give you points for the thought.'' said Ziva, making Shannon laugh. _

_'' Everyone has a purpose, Ziva. Both Kelly and I believe you're a guardian angel, one that does her work best in reality.'' Shannon smiled again when Kelly nodded in agreement of her mother's words. '' Ziva, who will look after the team once you are gone, hm?''_

_Ziva looked at the floor, before her head snapped back up as something caught her eye. She walked over to where Shannon was sitting and saw herself in the bathtub behind her. The water was pale pink. _

_Ziva sighed. '' Your words are wise, until I lose another.'' said Ziva, watching the water turn redder. _

_'' Ziva, what do you think will happen, hm? They will try to replace you, yes, but the void in their hearts will never leave. You hurt now, you know yourself that you will not get over it but get through it. Ziva, you didn't have to watch them crying themselves to sleep when they thought you were dead three years ago.'' said Shannon, a sense of urgency in her voice. _

_Ziva looked at her, tears in her eyes. '' I am not done.''_

_'' No. You're not.'' said Kelly. '' Daddy has us, but he needs you, you're the only one who can tell him what to do.'' she said, holding Ziva's hand._

_'' Ziva, your phone is at the end of the bath. Phone Jethro and fight. You are worth more than this, believe me.'' said Shannon. _

_Suddenly Ziva felt overwhelmed. '' I don't want to go yet.'' she whispered. _

_'' Well, get into the bath and wake up.'' said Shannon, taking Kelly's hand and moving out of the way. '' Those gone are never forgotten, Ziva. There is always a next time, I promise.'' _

_Ziva nodded and stepped into the bath, ignoring the water tinging her clothes a reddish colour. She looked at Shannon one last time before she felt groggy_.

_Shannon had disappeared, but true to her word, her phone was at the end of her bath._

oOoOoOoOoOo

He kicked the door open, not knowing what he was walking into. When he wasn't met with an immediate threat, he ran to Ziva's room to see it was empty. He heard a small, slight movement coming from the bathroom. He tried to open that door, but it was locked, so he kicked that one in too. His heart almost tore in two as he was met with the sight of Ziva in her bathtub, tear marks dried to her cheeks and the water around her an evergrowing shade of red. Gibbs rushed over and pulled her arms out of the water, not minding her knife falling out of her lax grip and skittering across the floor. He pulled her out of the water and onto the floor. He tapped Ziva's face gently, her eyes slowly opening.

'' Gi...'' Ziva didn't finish his name as her eyes closed. Gibbs pressed his forefingers to her neck and he let out a shaky breath as he saw Ziva still had a pulse. He took off his overshirt and tore it in two. After wrapping the a piece of material around each wrist, he picked her up and moved as quickly as he could to get her to Bethesda.

And that's where he was now. Silent, unmoving and covered in blood. He looked up as a nurse appeared out of Ziva's treatment room. He stood and greeted the nurse with a nod. '' She okay?''

'' Agent Winfrey is patched up and responding well. She'll be conscious shortly. Agent-''

'' Kilding.'' said Gibbs, NCIS didn't need to know about Ziva's blip. And the last thing she'd want is for people to give her sympathetic sighs when they didn't even know the whole story. As for Gibbs, he didn't see any need for this to be on her file, prompting another psychologist poking their nose in where it wasn't wanted.

'' Agent Kilding,'' repeated the nurse, clearly unconvinced, but she let it slide. '' Have you thought about getting some psychological help for your agent?''

'' We have an agency psychologist that will deal with her, when she's ready.'' lied Gibbs.

'' Good.'' The nurse went to leave, but she stopped, looking at Gibbs. '' You can sit with her, if you like.'' she said, before leaving.

Gibbs watched after her before walking into Ziva's room. He sat in the chair next to her bed and he watched Ziva sleep. Her face was scrunched relaying just how unpeaceful her dreams were. Gibbs didn't have to wait long until she woke up.

Her eyes opened and she sat upright, she only relaxed a fraction when she saw Gibbs sitting next to her. '' Gibbs.'' she said, before closing her eyes and holding her head gingerly in her hands.

'' You wanna tell me what happened?'' said Gibbs. To anyone else, it sounded like an order, but to Ziva, she knew it was a question, a suggestion at most. They sat in silence, Ziva not quite ready to speak.

'' You know, it won't be long 'til they figure that my name really isn't Agent Kilding.'' said Gibbs, smirking when Ziva looked at him with a confused look.

'' What?''

'' I don't see the need to let NCIS know that this happened. Just like I don't think this should be on your record or think that you need a psychologist.''

Ziva closed her eyes. '' Gibbs...'' she sighed. '' What makes you think I do not need a psychologist?''

'' I know you, like I know you won't do this again.'' said Gibbs, settling himself a bit better in his chair. '' And you'll kick whoever's ass anyway.'' That earnt him a small smile. '' The amount of times you've covered my ass, Ziver, it's only fair I cover yours.''

They fell into another silence, only the soft beeps of machines and the ticking of a clock on the wall filling it.

'' I was not going to call you, you know. I was not going to call anyone.'' said Ziva, her eyes fixed on her bandaged wrists. She sensed Gibbs stir a little in his seat, unhappy and uncomfortable at her confession. '' I was sure I was going to do it this time.''

'' This isn't the first time you've tried?'' asked Gibbs, leaning forward a little, catching Ziva's eye as she looked at him out the corner of her own.

'' No. It is the first time I got somewhere though. Last time Ari-'' Ziva broke off. She watched Gibbs rest a hand on her knee, his thumb rubbing back and forth, providing a small sense of comfort. '' Ari, he stopped me the last time. Tali had just died. He told me to focus that energy into something else. So instead of killing myself-''

'' You killed her killers.''

'' Yes...'' said Ziva, her head bowed and covered by her damp curls. '' This time was easier. There was nobody to talk me out of it, nobody to stop me, but that just provided me with more motivation. I have no-one, so who would care if I was gone? It was easy to fill the tub, it was easy to get in and it was easy to use my knife. It was easy to remember the pain, the suffering that I have lived through in my life. The hardest part was lying there, waiting for death to claim me.''

Gibbs moved his hand to Ziva's held it, happy to see her return the gesture, even mindful of her latest set of injuries. '' So, what made you change your mind?''

'' Ari.'' said Ziva. '' And Eli. Saleem,'' Gibbs' jaw set at the third name, but Ziva continued. '' And bizarrely, a little girl called Kelly.''

Gibbs' heart froze. '' You saw Kelly?'' he breathed.

'' And Shannon.'' she looked at him. '' I sound crazy, yes?''

'' No, remember that time I almost drowned? And that time I got shot at the diner? I saw them both then.'' confessed Gibbs. '' It's not crazy at all. It's comfort.''

'' I must have died, if for a moment. How else would I have seen them?'' asked Ziva, her eyes searching Gibbs'. When he didn't answer, she changed the topic slightly. '' I am just fed up of losing, Gibbs. I do not want to lose anymore. I can't. I have nothing left to give except for my own life and even then that proves a difficulty.''

'' Ziver, you have a family here that loves you.'' said Gibbs softly, frowning when Ziva chuckled. '' What?''

'' You do not need to tell me this, I am aware of who cares for me.'' said Ziva. '' And you are right, this will not happen again, not if anyone up there has anything to say about it. I am not done here yet.''

Gibbs looked at her, a brief flashback about his own time in limbo after he got shot by that kid. Those same words ringing in his ears. Those words had given him a reaffirmed sense of purpose in his life and they provided great comfort that all of his suffering was for a reason. He still hadn't figured out that reason, but he hoped that Ziva would take the same comfort he did even if they joined forces in their search for the reason of their suffering.

'' No, you're not.'' said Gibbs, his thumb rubbing circles on her hand. '' Now, here's what we're gonna do. You are going to come back to mine, okay? Once you've healed, we'll get your place sorted and go from there, alright?''

'' Yes. I will still do to work?'' asked Ziva, her rather prominent bandages worrying her.

'' No, not for the rest of the week. Put it down to compassionate leave, no one will say anything.''

'' They do not need to, I can almost hear the pathetic sighs.''

'' Tell you what, we could all use a break after that. Can't see Vance saying no.'' suggested Gibbs.

Ziva looked at him. '' You would do that for me?''

'' 'Course.'' said Gibbs, leaning forward to press a kiss to Ziva's hair. '' We care about you.''

Ziva sat back, content. She was stupid to have picked up her knife and she didn't need ghosts to tell her that. She should have just talked to Gibbs, he understood her more then anyone ever did. She'd have those scars on her wrists for life, now, but she could get through that. She didn't care about scars, to her, they were trophies to show that she survived. She'll survive this, after all, she wasn't done yet.


End file.
